3 Parenting Styles

The 3 parenting styles were a result of research carried out by Diana Baumrind and published back in 1966/7. Baumrind's research looked at the different types of parenting styles and how the different parenting styles effected a child's development and behaviour. Knowing about different parenting styles and the resulting behaviour may help see how you can change your parenting style and so change and improve your relationship with your child.

We've given some information in the http://www.toddlerbedtimetips.com/four-basic-parenting-styles.html on different types of parenting styles and here we will only concentrate on Baumrind's 3 parenting styles.

Knowing about the outcomes of the basic 3 parenting styles and matching them with your child's behaviour can really help you identify and maybe change your parenting style - if you are aware of your parenting style and if something isn't working then may want to change the way you are parenting your child.

Looking at different types of parenting styles without looking at your own style is unlikely to change anything. Once you have read this page you may find it helpful to sit down and have a think about your own parenting style and how it effects your child's behaviour and your relationship with him.

So let's look at the 3 parenting styles and their general outcomes:

Authoritarian Parenting Style

If you have a authoritarian parenting style you might see yourself as you being strict and "laying down the law" in an absolute manner. Perhaps you try to control and shape your child's behaviour in a very strong, almost military-like way. It's possible that your strict and absolute parenting style may be theologically motivated where complete obedience is highly valued.

If your child misbehaves then you are likely to punish your child and are generally likely to restrict your child's autonomy as what you says goes. Household responsibilities will be important and you want your child to have a respect for work, order and structure. Generally the idea of give and take with your child is not welcomed and you want your child simply to take your word as law.

There may be some positive results from this parenting style: your child is likely to do well in school and is unlikely to engage in antisocial behaviours.

However, your child may also be anxious, withdrawn and unhappy. Your child is not being allowed the freedom to develop into their own person. When your child is frustrated they may simply give up - afterall they have not been allowed to fight or have a say in what they want.

Permissive Parenting Style

If you have a permissive parenting style you generally accept your child's impulses and actions and do not punish them. You might explain your family rules and involve your child in family decisions. However, you generally do not expect your child to have any household responsibilities nor orderly behaviour and you accept your child using you as he wants. You let your child generally do what he wants to do, do not exercise your control or desires over your child's, and let your child disobey rules and social standards. Your attitude may be that you just want to look after your children in every way so that they don't need to do anything. It may also be that you lack a self-confidence in yourself.

Perhaps you believe that you are letting your child develop in a free and natural way. However, with the lack of control and permissive attitude your child may suffer as a consequence.

Children whose parents have been overly permissive may develop to have unsteady emotions (their emotional outbursts have not been regulated nor balanced with reason), they may tend to be rebellious and defiant as they are not used to their desires being challenged by their parent, easily give up to challenging tasks and have antisocial behaviours as their previous undesirable behaviours have not been stopped. They may not respect others as they have been given so much freedom to do as they wish.

Authoritative Parenting Style

The authoritative parenting style is a balanced parenting style between the permissive and the authoritarian styles.

If you have an authoritative parenting style you generally encourage give and take, you tell your child why you have made such a decision and want to know the reasons if your child objects. You value your child's autonomy as well as his need for discipline. You value your child's qualities and also set standards for your child's conduct. Decisions are made through your reason and power rather than through a group consensus or a child's individual desire.

A child whose parent uses an authoritative approach is generally lively and happy as they feel accepted and valued, yet also are warmly held within safe boundaries of behaviour and expectations. As a result they are able to regulate their emotions, feel confident about themselves and about completing tasks. They are used to give and take, being listened to and so have developed good social skills.

You may sometimes use a mixture of these 3 parenting styles. However, think about which style you may adopt most of the time or which style your partner might adopt most of the time and check whether your child's behaviour mirrors your parenting style.

You may generally be an authoritative parent but if something stressful has happened you may go into the authoritarian parenting style or if you are tired you may move into the permissive style! You need to think about your child's behaviour and which of the 3 parenting styles you adopt most of the time.

If you can recognise when you use the permissive or authoritarian styles you may want to think about ways to adopt a more authoritative style in those situations in future.

It's always worth remembering that no one is perfect and questioning your parenting style and techniques can only bring more self-awareness which will help parenting easier and bring benefits to you and your family.