Authoritarian Parenting Style

The authoritarian parenting style is one of the classic 3 parenting styles. Children of authoritarian parents have both positive and negative outcomes. Here we look at how authoritarian parents react and behave as a parent and give examples of this type of parenting style.

Recognising if you use an authoritarian parenting style and being aware of the possible consequences as well as the alternatives may influence the way you parent your child. The toddler years are very important in a child's development and is the time when your child develops their unique personality as well as often testing the boundaries in their expanding world.

An authoritarian parenting style is where the parent is very strict and military like - rules must be obeyed, reasons for certain rules may not be given, there is little give and take. The parent is the boss and the child must behave - otherwise they will be punished. Obedience is a clear virtue and what the parents say goes.

Children of authoritative parents generally do well at school - they are used to obeying rules, they must do as they are told and do not generally get into trouble. However, the child's self-esteem and confidence may be low, their ability to make their own decisions weak and they can become easily anxious. Afterall, their opinion, their values and tastes have not been welcomed by their parents.

If you use an authoritarian parenting style it may be because that's how you were parented yourself. It is a fairly traditional, if not old-fashioned, way to parent - children are to be seen but not heard. However, using the authoritarian parenting style is unlikely to bring out the best in you as a parent and the best in your child. It may also bring about a child-parenting relationship which has undertones of bullying, fear and distance.

Here's some examples of the authoritarian parenting style:

Your child is at the table and has made a bit of a mess. You get angry, demand that they clean it up immediately and they are punished for having made a mess.

Your child wants to wear a certain item of clothing however you want her to wear something else. Your answer is "No, you have to wear what I've put out for you". No discussion, no give and talk. Your child must wear what you tell her to wear and she does.

Your child has some little friends over and they seem to be happily playing by themselves. When you check on them they've made a real mess in their bedroom. Your response is to be really angry, yell at them and demand that they clear it up straight away and punish them - no snack or treat.

You're at playgroup and your child hits another child. Your response is to tell them off severely and possibly even hit them back so they know what it feels like. You might moan about your child in front of others and in your child's hearing.

The attitude might be that you are the boss and the sooner your child realises that the better.

Sounds harsh? Well, to use the authoritarian style dominantly is harsh. You might flip into it sometimes, and sometimes you might need to - afterall, sometimes, especially in an emergency you need your child to do exactly what he is told without you having to explain it or reason. e.g. "Stay back from the kerb!" or "Wait!", etc.

What you are looking for and need to ask yourself is which style is your main style, do you use the authoritarian style as your general style at home. Is your homelife effected by this style, and if so, how, and what do you want to do about it?

You may want to read about the authoritative parenting style which offers more give and take and there is a greater feeling of mutual respect between the child and parent because the child is more likely to feel valued and loved for who they are, rather than being bound by a set of strict rules and being hemmed in by the values of their parents only.

Using an authoritarian parenting style may keep your toddler in line with your requests but also may dampen their own development.