The Authoritative Parenting Style

The authoritative parenting style is one of the classic 3 parenting styles that is widely used when types of parenting styles are discussed. Authoritative parenting is considered to have the best and happiest outcomes for your child's development so here we look at what it is and give examples of this style in action.

The authoritative style is the balanced style between the permissive parenting style and the authoritative parenting style. If you are an authoritative parent you give your child demands but you are also responsive to their wishes. You do not completely control you child - you may set limits but are not overly restrictive. Your child is very much at the center of the child-parent relationship rather than you, the parent being the big boss (authoritative style) or the child being the big boss (permissive style).

With the authoritative parenting style you are very involved in your child's life. You're interested in your child's hobbies, interests, opinions and activities. You encourage open communication and as a result there is a trust and acceptance in your relationship and this works both ways - you trust your child and they trust you.

The authoritative parenting style is considered to have the healthiest and happiest outcomes for your child and for your parent-child relationship. As a result children generally do well at school, are confident and have good social skills. Your child has felt valued and has been included in your reasoning but has also been securely held with boundaries and limitations.

Authoritative parents will also flip into the authoritarian and permissive parenting styles because each has a place at times on the journey of parenting. Sometimes a child has to do what they're told even if they don't want to, sometimes a child can be given more freedom because it's safe and children also learn from their mistakes.

Here are some examples of the authoritative parenting style:

You're in the park playing. It's time to go, your child wants to stay much longer. You respond by giving them an extra 5 minutes and explaining why it's time to go and that you are letting them play a little longer and then you need to go.

You are at a party and there are lots and lots of sweets and cakes to eat. Your child fills his plate with cake and sweets. Your response would be that he is allowed some cakes but not so many as cakes are a lovely treat but as they're not healthy or good for him so it's not good to eat so much. In this way you are letting him have some control on what cakes he wants but are also reasoning with him and explaining what he is and isn't allowed.

You have some friends over to play. Your child is having great fun playing very noisy games with the other children and they are getting very excited. Your response might be that they can play and continue having fun but they need to play in the garden as the house is a bit crowded for the game they're playing and it's getting too noisy. So you are letting them play and have fun but it will be in a controlled and safe environment.

To use the authoritative parenting style dominantly you need to be able to remain calm, set boundaries and be willing to listen and be patient with your child.

Sometimes when you are tired this can be challenging. However, if you reason with them on a general basis, explain why you and they are doing what they are doing, then you will develop this style over time. As a result you'll have a much happier parenting time with a contented child and a contented you.