The idea of of the time out procedure is that you are making a very firm boundary that the way your child is behaving is totally unacceptable. Your child will not want to go into another room, or have "time out" but as you are forcing them to they will associate that particular behaviour with something that will not be tolerated. You are laying down a very firm boundary.
Extreme behaviour might be violence, anti-social behaviour such as swearing, being out of control.
"Time out" can be distressing for the child and parent. No parent wants to hear their child screaming but if your child's behaviour has escalated beyond control then you may want to use time out as a last resort.
As a guideline, BEFORE using the Time Out procedure when parenting a toddler:
- ask your toddler to stop doing whatever he is doing. The first time you should ask nicely and the second time you should ask in firm, strong voice so that your toddler knows that you are very serious.
- try to distract your toddler from whatever they are doing.
- try ignoring the behaviour to see if it will stop (ignore and then distract can often work together)
Time Out can be in a room, on an agreed time out step, or a time out chair. The bonus of using a room is that your toddler has some space to express his rage. There is also no distraction from other adults or siblings.
The general guideline for the amount of time for Time Out is that it's one minute for each year of your child's life. So a three year old child would have 3 minutes, a four year old child would have four minutes. Use a timer. The time needs to start from when you close the door (or your child sits in the agreed spot) and when the time is up open the door and let them know they can come out. Do not be tempted to make the time longer.
If you are using a room, do not lock the door. You can shut the door or it may be enough to say that they have to stay in the room (with the door open). If they step out of the room the time starts again. And follow through if this happens! Your child must know that you are serious and that a boundary is a boundary.
Whilst they are in their room (or spot) do not talk to him.
When the time is up, you then need to tell (without guilt or anger) what behaviour he were doing which was unacceptable. Also tell him that if he does it again he will have another Time Out. And if the behaviour continues, ask him once to stop, ask him again in a firm voice and a warning, and if he doesn't stop the behaviour, then take him to his room or spot for another Time Out.
Ask your child for an apology and then give your toddler a cuddle. Let him know that you love him and value him.
And then move on, do not hold a grudge, do not talk about the event. Now when he does something good praise him as this will reinforce the idea of good behaviour being rewarded with something nice.
Using the Time Out procedure is a last resort option. If your toddler's behaviour has been escalating for some time and you are at your wit's end consider Time Out.
We'd advise that you seek support and advice from your local medical professional or health visitor as they will be able to support you and give you personal one-to-one advice. It may be that your child is hyperactive or has other issues going on which is affecting his behaviour.
