Toddler Discipline:
Tactics That Work

Toddler discipline or teaching toddlers can be a bit easier when you have a few tactics that you can rely on. Or at least a list of tactics that you can try when one tried and tested tactic doesn't work!

Teaching toddlers is both gradual and immediate ie. you need to take immediate action AND you need to carry on teaching over a long period of time so that gradually your toddler learns about acceptable behaviour. It takes time, effort and you as a parent and your toddler as a growing child will reap the benefits.

Ideally parenting is from both parents (if there are two around) and the same tactics need to be used by each parent. If different tactics are used and there is split parenting your child will not know where he stands which could lead to conflict both in your couple relationship as well as problems in your child's behaviour. You need to be united in your parenting style so that you can support each other and be confident in your parenting skills.

Here are some good parenting skills, tips and tactics to help you along the way with toddler discipline or teaching toddlers:

Giving Positive Attention

Give lots of praise and positive attention when it is not asked for e.g. congratulate your toddler on a drawing, or just sitting quietly and looking at a book. Positive attention can be both verbal (praise and enthusiasm in your voice) and non-verbal so that's body language, eye contact, smiles and hugs.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Play with your child

Spend time playing with your child. Time is so precious these days so schedule it in and keep it as a top priority. Let your child lead the play and you follow. Don't try and control the game or tell them how they should do it - let them be the leaders.

Also, let your child help you do some chores, or cooking, cleaning, sorting the laundry. It's a way to spend time together, have fun and praise on your child. Spending quality time with your child is the best way to solve toddler discipline problems - your toddler wants your attention and needs it, and the attention needs to be positive.

If you need to cook something on your own you can try giving your toddler a pan, a wooden spoon and dried beans for your child to make something too. Talk to him at the same time and ask what's he doing.

Use play time with your child also as an opportunity for you to relax and enjoy yourself.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Using Distraction

Distraction can help avoid unwanted bahaviour or upset. You can try using a selection of toys or healthy snacks (not sweets) if it's snack time. Prepare your bag and car to have a variety of toys that can easily be given to your toddler. If you are going to a social get-together or somewhere where you will be waiting for an appointment bring some toys with you - everyone will be happier for it.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Offer An Alternative

For example, if your toddler throws a ball where he is not allowed to then explain that he is not allowed to as it's dangerous and give it back. If he then does it again, hold onto it, and say something like, "you can have the ball when you are going to look after it properly. Are you going to look after it properly?" And your toddler will probably say yes, and then you give it back. The chances are that he will. If he still doesn't then offer him another toy to play with or another activity. He may be just wanting your attention so you need to gage the situation carefully.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Set Limits

When you are parenting a toddler you need to set limits and enforce them firmly but with love. Avoid stretching limits because your toddler then will not know the limit and you will not believe other limits you set. Setting limits and keeping limits will also help your toddler have some order in their widening world as well as setting them up to be able to comply to rules in other situations e.g. kingergarten, pre-school, kids's parties, school, etc.

You need to be consistent e.g. taking shoes off as you come in, or washing your hands before a meal, brushing teeth after breakfast and before bed, or whatever rules you want to have in place. Making the effort to enforce them at the beginning will pay off in the long term.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Limit the Use of "No"

If you can, avoid saying no a lot of the time. If you make a habit of saying No, it will be ineffective and it could develop into a game for your toddler. Instead, offer an alternative - play with a different toy, chew on a healthy snack. Use distraction - it usually works and it keeps you and your toddler happy and out of the tears and tantrum scenario. Prepare your day bag with little toys, healthy snacks, water and keep rotating the toys so that your toddler can have something interesting to play with easily to hand.

When your toddler plays with the alternative praise him and smile - everyone will feel better for it!

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Use humour!

Toddlers love laughing and are just beginning to understand different concepts. If your toddler won't go in the buggy, suggest that the cuddly cat goes in first, or you go in. Humour is a great distraction and stress burner. Making silly faces, doing silly voices, silly songs often makes a difficult jobs much easier e.g. getting in the car, brushing teeth, getting in the buggy, getting out of the bath, etc.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Be Watchful And Take Immediate Action

If you are at a toddler group or a social occasion you will need to keep a careful eye on your toddler. Accept that your conversations with other adults are likely to be interrupted. If you see your toddler doing anything that he is not allowed to do go straight to him and deal with the situation. Being with other toddlers can be demanding for a toddler, not being able to have the toy he wants is difficult. Likewise, it's very difficult for your toddler to be on the receiving end of a toddler who is hitting or grabbing. You need to be very close by and keep watching what is happening.

Tackling Toddler Discipline:Provide daily opportunities for letting off steam

Energetic play helps children let off steam. It's also good for their bodies, their confidence and uses up excess energy. Children need exercise and they love it. Go out with them and provide them with an opportunity to jump and run - ideally every day.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Dealing with toddler biting

If your toddler bites you ignore it. Your toddler is doing it for a reaction and your attention. Ignore the bite, even though it hurts, and a little later be sure to sit down and spend quality one to one time with him. Continue to spend more time with your toddler every day so that your toddler is getting positive attention without seeking any attention through biting.

If your toddler bites another child, you need to apologise to the child and parent and your toddler might (or might not). Take him out of the situation and do not return to it until the biting has stopped. Or if you do return stay with your toddler giving him the positive attention that he is likely to be looking for. Toddler groups can be noisey with lots of distractions for the parents and therefore your toddler may not be getting the attention he wants.

If your toddler knows that he'll get attention when he bites then he is likely to bite. If you ignore the biting and your toddler is getting the positive attention he is actually looking for at other times, the biting will very likely stop.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Staying Calm

If you are feeling angry about something your toddler has just done, take a few moments to calm down. Yelling will worsen the situation and only have negative outcomes. It will scare a child and will also teach them to do the same when they are angry. Taking a few moments to calm yourself down will really help you deal better with the situation and it will help you stay in control of the next step.

Of course you're human and sometimes you'll lose your cool. When that happens, apologise - say you're sorry that you yelled at him, give him a big hug and tell him that you love them.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Sharing The Day's Schedule

Let your toddler know what is happening. If your toddler is happily playing being suddenly told that they must stop now and get ready to go could spark a tantrum. Share the day routine with your toddler and let them know what you are doing that day. Give them time to finish playing - you could say "you need to think about finishing your play, we'll be getting ready soon". Using a timer always set to, say, 10 minutes can be really helpful. If it's always set to the same time-window then your toddler will soon gage how long 10 minutes is and will recognise the ringer sound. Before long, they'll be stopping their play and collecting their shoes. Again, you are giving your toddler some control over his environment.

Be a strong but flexible parent figure. If you tell your child that you are going to do something e.g. go to the park, then do it. If they want to take their little doll's buggy, then let them if you can. Be flexible and try to fit some of their own wishes into your time together. Sometimes it can make your time a little bit more bothersome (perhaps you know that you'll be carrying the little buggy on the way home) but if you can accommodate some of your toddler's ideas then your toddler is being able to influence his own world around him and he'll enjoy that.

Tackling Toddler Discipline: Forgive and Forget

Parenting toddlers will be tricky, everyone gets upset sometimes and things don't always go to plan. When your toddler has done something you really didn't want him to do, don't hold a grudge as it won't help anyone. Forgive, forget and move forward.