Toddler Discipline:
Other factors to watch out for

When looking for ideas to deal with toddler discipline and parenting a toddler here's a few more factors that you might find helpful.

The most important change in parenting a toddler that you can make is very likely to be spending more positive time with your toddler and so letting them know and feel that they are loved and valued. This will involve you playing with your toddler, having fun, following their little games, praising them and giving them the loving security that they need so that they can develop into their own little person.

The other factors to also watch out for which might influence your toddler's behaviour are:

Toddler discipline: Tiredness and teething

Toddler discipline: Notice how you communicate with your toddler

Communicating with a toddler sometimes requires a lot of patience. Listen to your toddler and try to understand your toddler as much as you can. Not being able to understand or being understood is frustrating for you both. Keep trying and with pointing, suggestion and a bit of humour understanding a toddler's early language does become easier.

Your toddler needs little bits of information, clearly said and shown too. For example, if you want your toddler to tidy his toys away then you need to show him how and where to do it. Do it with him and say we're putting the toys in the basket and then when you want him to do it, then be specific:please put your toys in the basket. And help him and congratulate him on a job well done. Gradually he'll be able to do it himself and he'll get a sense of achievement and pleasure from it.

When you are teaching and talking to your toddler about something he or she has done always talk about the behaviour rather than the child e.g."I don't like it when you ....... because it's ....... (dangerous/unsafe/scarey for me/upsetting for the other child/etc).instead of "Why do you spoil things?!", or "You are naughty!", "You are a bad boy!"

Avoid blanket phrases which are very undermining and will lower your child's self esteem. Blanket expressions are also more likely to cause the behaviour to reoccur because if the child is told they are naughty, then the child already has a role to fulfill.

If you do not want your children to swear or use bad language then refrain from using it yourself in front of them. Young children learn from their parents and other adults around them. Similarly if you want your child to say please and thank yous then you need to be doing the same as they are learning from you.

Toddler discipline: Your Role

Somtimes you may find yourself wanting your child to primarily be your buddy. However, you need to make sure that you are primarily your child's parent. You need to be able to let your child be a child at their appropriate age so letting them progress from being a dependent baby, to being a toddler, to gradually growing up and becoming more and more independent. Being a parent rather than an equal buddy will influence the way you deal with boundaries and dealing with unwanted behaviour.

Feeling confident being the responsible parent will really support you in your parenting so you might want to write down a list of what you want to change in your toddler's behaviour and how you are going to change the way you deal with it. So that could be, using rules, boundaries, ignoring bad behaviour, praising good behaviour, giving rewards, using sticker charts, time out, not shouting, having clear routines, etc.

Toddler discipline: Opportunities

Toddlers want to learn new skills and you need to give them the opportunity to try things out, make mistakes and learn. You as the parent will notice your toddler trying out new skills and perhaps he will be trying them out with an item that you don't want him to play with. So, organise a few things so that your toddler can try out a new skill in a controlled and safe way. Your toddler is then having fun, learning and it's less stressful for you.

For example, toddlers generally like doing little jobs. It gives them control and, if congratulated, lots of positive attention. For example, have cute little coat pegs in a child friendly design at a level he can reach, have a space just for his little shoes. Children appreciate order and rules that they can follow easily. As the parent, you can give them the opportunity to learn new skills and through learning new skills their confidence will be boosted.

Toddler discipline: Create a child friendly environment

If your toddler is not allowed certain things, such a the remote control, scissors, etc. then consider spending an evening whilst your toddler is in bed making your house more toddler friendly. Move those items out of reach and out of sight and place child friendly items where your toddler can reach them. If you have a room which is out of bounds, perhaps it's your office or shed, then you could use a stair gate. If you do this, then try letting your toddler go into the room under your supervision so that he can learn about why it's not safe to go in there or why this room is mainly for adults.

Toddler discipline: Accidental or Intentional?

If you believe the unwanted behaviour to be intentional then it's a sign that your toddler wants more attention. Prioritise giving your toddler positive attention through play and praise. It's so important and will make a wondeful difference to your toddler's behaviour and so your life. Have a look at Toddler Activities for some ideas.

Toddler discipline: More Than One Child?

If you have more than one child then be aware of your relationship with each of your children and be aware of their uniqueness. Swap their roles on a regular basis so that each child can have centre stage and first choice e.g. let the oldest child play without having to bear the responsibility of the younger children, let each child suggest a meal, snack or pudding.

Toddler discipline: Triggers to watch out for in yourself

If you recognise some of the below in yourself, then take heart, if you are aware of them you can do something about them.

• you snap
• you lose your patience
• you feel overwhelmed
• you feel depressed, alone and unhappy

As soon as recognise any of the above or anything similar then stop, take stock, talk to your partner and friends. Getting support in stressful times is really important and can ease the stress. Or speak to your doctor or a counsellor if you do not know who to turn to. Sometimes parents can feel like a failure if they admit to finding parenting difficult and that in itself can make it even harder to talk about. However, do try and share your feelings with others as it will help you deal with the more trying and tiring times of parenting - all parents find it difficult at times.

Be careful not to neglect your own adult life in order to allow time only for your children and also respect your toddler's need for rest and routine. Try to ensure that you all get enough sleep as tiredness can easily lead to unwanted behaviour, temper tantrums and short fuses. Review the sleep training techniques and bedtime routine and make the commitment to be consistent in both areas.

There's so much involved in being a parent and hopefully you can use some of the tips on these pages to help deal with toddler discipline. Some will work for you, others may not, but if one tip work can help one person, then that's a wonderful thing.