Toddler Discipline:
Tactics To Avoid

Toddler discipline or teaching toddlers how to behave is challenging at times, especially if you have other children to look after too. Here are tactics to avoid using as these parental behaviours won't help your toddler's behaviour nor help him learn new skills.

The key issue to remember is that if your toddler is misbehaving then it is likely that they are misbehaving solely to gain your attention - any attention is better than none. So, if you are having problems with toddler discipline the first thing you can try is simply to spend time playing with your toddler, letting them lead in the play and giving your toddler the attention they need to feel loved and valued.

Here we've listed 8 toddler discipline tactics to avoid, some more serious and harmful than others. Scan through them and take a mental note when you are next challenged by unruly behaviour. If in doubt, simply leave the room for a few minutes to regain your cool.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Smacking

Smacking can happen when you perhaps lose your temper and so lash out. Try and keep your cool, go into another room as smacking will not help your child to behave as you want. It's also teaching your child to be fearful of you and although they are gaining your attention, it's very negative attention. Smacking kids will physically hurt them, it lowers their self-esteem and morale.

Your child is likely to want your attention and he needs it in order to feel valued and loved. Sit down with your partner (if you are single sit down with a trusted friend) and make a parenting contract with your partner and child to spend more time with your child so that your child can receive positive attention. With more positive attention your child's behaviour will blossom, their self-esteem will blossom and your parenting experience will become joyful.

Every parent gets angry sometimes but avoid lashing out. If you feel you might then go into another room to calm down and congratulate yourself for doing so.

If your child is about to go into a dangerous situation such as into the road, or about to touch a hot oven, still, move them away from the situation, explain the dangers and make changes in what your toddler can access e.g. perhaps you will need to use a microwave to heat up meals for a while or use a safety gate whilst your toddler is learning about the dangers of a kitchen. Smacking kids is not the answer to any situation.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Shaking

Likewise, never shake a child. It's very dangerous physically and can cause damage to the eyes and brain and it's very frightening. If you feel very angry take yourself out of the situation to calm down.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Humiliating

Telling off your child in front of others, putting them down will not teach them appropriate behaviour. It is more likely to lower their self-esteem and be fearful of you. Again, if you are feeling stressed, get out of the situation, calm down and explain to your child what isn't appropriate. And then take time to look at what could have been done differently.

For example, perhaps you were out shopping: ask yourself, was the trip too long, was there anything for my child to do, was it at a bad time? How can you make it easier for everyone next time? Perhaps you can make shopping into a game with a sticker chart for when they see a certain item. And then praise them. Perhaps you could shop online.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Bribing

For example, if you do this we'll do something nice. This is very easy to do, however, it doesn't work in the long run. Instead explain what you are doing and why you need to do it. Toddlers who are beginning to be verbal understand a lot and providing you speak in short sentences and simply they will generally understand. Controlling them by bribes will bring difficulty later as they will want to bribe you too.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Late Punishments

Setting a punishment for later in the day i.e. no pudding at supper time, won't have any effect. Your toddler won't know why he can't have a pudding as their memories are short and they have short attention spans. Keep in mind the idea of teaching your child about how to behave rather than punishing them.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Losing Your Temper

Losing your temper will frighten your child and in contrast, they need to see you as a safe, reliable figure in the lives. When you think you are about to lose your temper then leave the room for a minute and get rid of some of that angry energy. It's completely fine to be angry and for your toddler to know that you are angry. Losing your temper won't help the situation nor teach your toddler other ways to behave.

If you feel you are about to blow, try slowing down your breathing, relax your shoulders, unfurrow your brow and relax your mouth. This will help you calm down and regain control of your feelings so that you can respond to your child in an assertive, firm and calm manner.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Split parenting

If one parent says one thing and the other says something else your child will not know where to stand and there will be chaos and anxiety all round. Sit down together with your partner and make a parenting contract. Once you have spoken to your partner speak to your children and see what they want. Be united in the way you parent and your familly will have a much happier time together.

If you are separated from your partner then consider having the same rules and boundaries with each parent so that your child knows what is generally expected of him from both parents.

Toddler Discipline Tactics To Avoid: Parental Arguing

Do not argue with your partner in front of the children. They will feel unsafe and the sense of chaos around them is likely to play out in their behaviour. You are also teaching your child that arguing is acceptable and they are very likely to copy this behaviour with you. When you are upset or angry with your partner speak to them about what's happened and try to find a resolution. If you do argue in front of the children then let your children see that you've made up too so that they can feel reassured that all is okay.

Parenting difficult behaviour is stressful and you need to sit down with your partner to work out how to deal with it together so that you are a united front, so that your child has clear boundaries and rules and so that you as a couple receive the support you need from each other.

No one's perfect! What to do when you get it wrong

Everyone has a bad day, or bad times within a day, from time to time and no one's perfect. If you don't do so well on one day then move on. You might want to apologise to your toddler, hug them and tell them you love them. Then move on and start afresh. Try not to overindulge your toddler through guilt as this will leave your toddler confused and he will not know where the boundaries are which in turn will cause more problems.

When things go wrong accept what has happened and everyone can learn something from it and do it differently next time. Sometimes toddler discipline or teaching toddlers might take a few attempts to get it right but every step in making a change for the positive is a step in the right direction.

If you struggling then firstly spend positive time with your toddler. If you have other children, every child needs one to one time with their parents. Ask a friend to help look after your other children so that every child can have some positive attention. If you have more than one child then also play all together, have fun all together and show that you value each child for their own uniqueness. Shower praise, encourage, hugs and kisses to your children. Everyone's self-esteem will improve, everyone will be happier, and your child's behaviour will improve too.

If you are overwhelmed seek help! Pick up the phone and talk to someone - be it your partner, a friend, a confidential helpline or a counsellor. Speaking to someone about a problem can be the first step in making a problem, be it parenting a toddler or something else, easier to solve.